Saving the history of the defeated and the lost -dilemmas in the midst of the AIDS epidemic

Abstract

"My life is broken." These words still ring in my ears. Time is rapidly running out for Maria M. At 26 years of age she faces an unnaturally early death. Unnatural, yet today an all too common, early death. As I stand next to her bedside in our local hospice I feel helpless. lt is not the helplessness of medical ignorance, the uncertainty of diagnosis or treatment. It is not the helplessness of the young doctor trying to cope with his first dying patient. That sick feeling of professional helplessness when you realise that despite those 6 years of dedicated study, you are powerless to stop this person, who lies in the bed in front of you, from dying of some incurable illness. No, it is not that kind of helplessness. It is a helplessness that borders on hopelessness. The helplessness that wants to cry out, "lT'S NOT FAIR!" Maria is dying of a preventable disease, Maria is dying of a treatable disease, Maria is dying because someone else has decided that the National Health Budget has other priorities. Like no other illness in my experience, AIDS faces me with more dilemmas, more torments of conscience, more fears and more frustrations.